I’m surrounded by signs of both spring and St. Paddy’s weekend here in Chicago. Irish tunes play in the coffeehouse, people walk by the windows adorned in green, the neighborhood frozen custard stand re-opens. There is so much to celebrate today! I wish I had a magic wand to make this joy last forever. If only I had this kind of control.
At the same time, I’m reminded of the fragility of life as I take in the horrifying war in Iran, the cancer diagnosis of a relative, and the violent and unjust arrests of immigrants and other people of color. There is so much to be appalled and saddened by today! I wish I had a magic wand to eliminate all of the suffering. If only I had this kind of control.
I haven’t yet mentioned the ups and downs of our weather. I took my first bike ride of the year on an unseasonably warm, February day. Now my bike sits forlornly on our deck wondering why I didn’t put it back in storage afterwards. I wish I had a magic wand to make the warm weather reappear. If only I had this kind of control.
How do we live through the highs and lows and unexpected twists of life? What keeps us grounded as we navigate all the ups and downs? How might we gain a sense of control?
One of my favorite practices is to leave the city and pick up sticks in the yard of a small retreat house.* On a recent visit, the grounds welcomed me back, and I continued where I had left off last December (yes – I even go out in snow and ice as I’m able!)
I walked and scanned the damp, drab yard. I bent down and picked up sticks. I carried them to the firepit and dumped them in. Walk, scan, bend, pick up, carry, dump. I was quickly back in my simple meditative rhythm. 
Until I spotted a medium-sized branch. As I bent to pick it up, I suddenly realized that it wasn’t a branch at all. It was the antler of a deer! From a member of the deer family that I love to watch from the retreat house window!
As I examined the antler, I was drawn to its round, flat stub. It’s hard to believe that it was once attached to my deer friend. And call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that he left it for me as a gift.
I have to admit that I haven’t mastered the art of completely leaving my phone behind on retreat. I do limit its use by keeping it in my room most of the time. That evening, it came in handy as I googled “deer antlers.” I learned that every year, typically in late winter, bucks shed their antlers. Then in spring, they grow new ones. Amazingly, each year, their antlers are bigger. Pretty miraculous, huh?!
The next day, I walked the grounds, picked up sticks and pondered the ongoing changes in deer. As I moved back into my rhythm, a mantra arose in me,
“Let go.
Grow.
Let go.
Grow.
Let go.
Grow.
Let go.”
Was the buck speaking to me?
“Let go?” I asked.
“Yes, let go.” The voice responded. I don’t know if it belonged to me or the deer.
“Let go of the need for a false sense of control over the circumstances around you.
Let go of wanting to control the highs and lows, horrors and joys of our world, country, communities and families.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Yes, let go,” the voice repeated.
“While you are invited to be present and awake, to celebrate and grieve, to be fully engaged in life, you have no control over the outer circumstances.
Let go.
And grow.” it added.
“Grow?” I asked.
“Yes, grow.
Grow in your capacity to be a spacious presence in the world.
Grow in peace and compassion.
Grow in wisdom.
Every year, every day, every moment.
Let go.
Grow.”
What is keeping you grounded as you navigate the ups and downs of life? How are you being invited to let go? To grow?
*https://www.sdicompanions.org/picking-up-sticks-a-simple-spiritual-practice-by-bridget-purdome/
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